Road to Something New

by zischa

So, you have an s-type that is "broken"? That is to say, has a diagnosed mental disorder of some type? For those that have been dealing with this for some time you know it can be often times heart-wrenching, hard to deal with, devastating to watch, and a downright pain in the ass. For those who have just learned of what they are dealing with you're probably asking "Okay, now what?"

First, let me give you a bit of background on me. My name is zischa. I'm 27, and Bi-polar. I'm also a collared sub. I was officially diagnosed over 10 years ago but I can tell you that the signs and symptoms of Bi-polar have been there since I was a child. It's been a hard and often stuck-in-a-rut road for me. That is part of the disorder. It's only been within the last couple of years that it has changed and all aspects of life have gotten better. Through trial, error and lots of therapy have my Dom and I learned to make my Bi-polar work for us.

Okay, enough about me. What about you and your situation? Well, Research. One of the best things that W/we found to do (especially my Dom) was learning about my disorder, the good, the bad, and the ugly, what the treatments were and what they involved. It helped U/us to better evaluate what was part of my disorder and what wasn't, and if the medication I was taking was helping or not.

Speaking of medications (those were researched too), there is an issue of side effects. There were some medications that made me extremely sick and others where I literally felt no emotion. Another problem was when someone is taken off a medication to start on a new one; there is always an adjustment period. That was/is always a trying time.

What about therapy? Yep, it can be a good idea. Research here is also a good idea for both you and your s-type. You'll both want to be comfortable with who your s-type is seeing for therapy, but especially your s-type. Finding a therapist that is BDSM- or kink-friendly can be hard. Ask around first for "open-minded" therapists. A lot of therapists that do individual therapy will do a few joint sessions when major issues need resolved (hence the reason you need to be comfortable with the therapist). Something to remember is that a Therapist is different from a psychiatrist (a doctor that prescribes medication specifically for mental disorders). I have both a Therapist and Psychiatrist that work in the same office and communicate with each other. Speaking from experience, I wouldn't have it any other way. When it comes to this side of my medical treatment, I feel very secure in the knowledge that they are a team in making sure my therapy and medication are tailored to help me meet my goals. My Dom speaks with them on a regular basis, conveying to them His concerns for me, what He sees when a new medication is started, etc. He is very much an active part of my treatment plan.

Therapy is one of the biggest reasons our relationship started getting better and was able to progress. I learned things in therapy about myself, about my Bi-polar, how it is all connected on an individual basis and makes me tick differently. I was able to take what I learned in therapy and impart that newfound knowledge to my Dom, who was then able to better understand and devise training, punishment, scenes etc around that.

Communication, Communication, Communication. This is the part where A LOT of trial and error happened and adjustments had to be made.

There were days I would come back after a therapy session and just not be in the mood to talk, or it would be really emotional and all I wanted was to be left alone or held. The last thing I wanted was to be grilled about what was said. We learned that grilling me at that moment was the worst thing that could be done. It set my already iffy emotional state into a downward spiral that could lead to depression and/or suicide if not dealt with immediately. So now Therapy Days are off-limits to just about anything of high stress emotionally. Questions about how my session went, how I'm feeling, if I feel something is getting accomplished in therapy, things along those lines are good. I'm not being asked about the session specifically. It also allows my Dom to gauge about how emotional I am or not and what is needed. W/we found over time that once the questions about what was said in sessions stopped, and the questions about my well-being after sessions started, I wanted to share what was talked about in session with my Dom. At times I couldn't wait for him to get home to share it.

We talked about anything and everything. Didn't matter, if either one of us thought it might have something to do with my disorder, into the notebook it went to talk with the Therapist about, or off to the computer to start researching. We found out more things about my disorder and its deeper effects through asking questions, through therapy sessions, and research than by just reading the general pamphlets they normally give you and say "This should answer everything".

Journaling. It was a tool that they used in therapy to pinpoint my triggers. Now since I had been journaling for my Dom some of that was brought in, evaluated and used as a starting point. It was also used later for various other self-pattern recognitions. I used it to write about anything and everything; whatever thought popped into my head at the moment got written down. That was evident in my journaling. That's the Manic of Bi-polar. What was re-taught to me was to find a focus and write. My Dom also changed the way He had me write for Him - He started to give specific direct questions He wanted answered instead of general broad ones, therefore giving me a focus.

Not being able to focus is true for a lot of disorders, and can often times affect several parts of one's life. It was most evident in my journaling, but as W/we had successfully found a way around the Q & A obstacle, W/we applied the same focus principles to things such as housework and training. It worked. There were simply things I just could not focus on, but having an alternative that was just as important allowed me to change my focus for a short time and come back to the original task with better clarity, ready to focus. I now have household chores that I have all week to do and daily ones that I get to decide when they get done, because I need the flexibility to change my focus. The daily ones have to get done every day; it's the routine I get to change up.

Not everything in here will work for you, but I hope it has given you something to start with, some place to begin...